I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
