A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Oh god it's open bar.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize