It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
only you would photoshop your dick
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
