Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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