This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
