she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
my sisters under your porch take her home
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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