I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
