he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
