he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
