Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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