where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
