I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
