Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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