Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
