You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
