i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We got so high we made milksteak
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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