Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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