first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
