Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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