if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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