May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
