Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize