Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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