I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
