so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
