Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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