walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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