I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize