I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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