CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
