that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
