so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
