Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
