this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
