im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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