just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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