oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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