Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
