is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
