Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
