is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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