I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
