I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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