question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
