By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
