He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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