How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
