1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
