Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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