SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
