I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize