its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
