I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
