This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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