u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
