Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
