It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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