Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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