Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize