I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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