You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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