There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
this just has baby written all over it
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
