So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
