last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize