in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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